By Melanie Hendricks
No matter how hard we try to raise good caring kids, society will mold them just as much, if not more, on a daily basis. What they see, what they hear, what they go through, what they are influenced by, peer pressure. I will even leave television out of it, as we all (should) know it’s no angel influence either. So what can we do to teach them good values?
Not all places in the world are materialistic and detached from real important matters of life, but North America in my opinion, is winning big on this one. We tend to get overwhelmed, and even frustrated, with our busy schedules and when we stop to look at it carefully, it is rarely filled with humanitarian or community outreach work. It’s getting new shoes, new toys, getting homework done, playing video games, going to sport practice of some kind, laundry, dishes, cleaning. Even though none of this is bad in itself, and could be considered by some to be crucial in their lives, none of it is teaching kids about caring for others, helping and thinking of others. It is focused on their own needs.
This generation of parents has also contributed a lot to this problem, as we seem to give in to all their demands and needs, right now, in a hurry, as if their life depended on it. For example, how children care so much about what they wear at school, is caused by what others think is cool to wear, what is acceptable and what is mocking material. Who would want their kids to be bullied or laughed at because of their clothes? Against such a strong superficial current, we try to protect our kids, and we are willing to put ourselves in financial trouble in order to hopefully save them the humiliation. How could we stop this? I guess our best option in this particular case is consignment stores. Great clothes, for less, it just requires more time to find the good deals.
The one sentence I often hear from kids is “it’s not fair!”, when something is not going their way (yes, many adults still say it too, surprisingly.) Did they come to this world thinking life was fair, or did we teach them that it was supposed to be fair? Sometimes I am not sure, but reality is, life ain’t fair, not the way we see it anyway. When such comments come out about extravagant needs such as a toy, or who gets to play a video game first, I can’t help myself but to remind them that, while they are fighting for a luxury item, some are dying of hunger or carrying weapons hoping to survive the next minute. Now that, isn’t fair, and it seems very difficult for them to grasp because they don’t live it.
Many children are raised sheltered from the world, from the misery, from the violence in anyway possible. We fear to traumatize them with how ugly humanity can be. So sheltered at times, that any difficult moment will become unbearable to them. Very sadly last week, a teacher from the kids school passed away after a difficult battle against cancer, and the day the news arrived, almost all the kids were sad, crying, the staff was crying, some children didn’t even know that teacher very well, and some knew how sweet and caring a person she was, but it didn’t matter, it was very heavy in sorrow in the entire school, for everyone. Then in other places you see bombs explode and kill entire families, and some kids just stand there, showing no emotion as if it’s normal for people to die so violently, two feet away from them. These are two extremes of course, one is crying because we see others in sorrow, and the other appears to be the absence of emotions as if we are so used to the horror that it no longer matters.
Watching documentaries about different societies, countries, wealth and poverty is good of course and can be eye opening for many kids in this world (the ones fortunate enough to educate themselves on such matters), but I do not believe it is enough. To a lot of them, movies are just movies, they are not real, or not close enough to really mean something. Two seconds later they will fight, for their lives, for who gets the ice cream first.
Now, I am not suggesting that we take our kids to a mine field, for them to know how terrifying it might feel to live like that, or to withdraw meals for a week to make them feel what real hunger is, or traveling with them to highly dangerous grounds so they can experience the panic of survival. There are things less extreme that can be done to open their hearts to the world and the less fortunate. Donating is a very generous thing to do as well when you can afford it, even in small amounts, but children don’t feel so involved, they didn’t work for that money, they do not feel the sacrifice or the gift of giving the way we do.
Any little acts of genuine kindness will put a spec of gold into our child’s heart. It can be very simple, like holding the door for someone, helping someone with their grocery bags, offering a smile to someone that seems to be having a difficult day. Reaching out to our communities with our children, every city has some sort of community services that can involve the entire family, no need to wait until they are teenagers, get involved with them while they are young. Some consist in helping elderly people, or reading to them, serving food in shelters, delivering pre-packaged food to families, and so many more. There are no better teachers in life, than being there for others.
Society might be a very tough place to teach good, caring values to our children, but it doesn’t take much to start a wave of change. It starts within the family, how we treat others in front of them, how we care for others, how we reach out. It is never too late to do a good deed, teaching by example. Society in general might not be a good reference for kids nowadays, but we can be, one parent at a time and one child at a time, the inspiration of tomorrow.
One thing is certain, fashion trends are highly contagious, one child wears a bright green shirt to school, pretty soon, fifty kids will wear bright green shirts to school. The same can be done for real, important values in life. Let’s make it a new trend, let’s care for one another a little more, each day, so our kids can learn to do the same. We can’t teach them any of this if we don’t practice it ourselves.